Alex Hanscombe‘s life was forever changed on July 15, 1992.

The then-2-year-old witnessed the brutal murder of his mom Rachel Nickell during a trip to the park at Wimbledon Common in London, where she was stabbed 49 times. The toddler was found clinging to the 23-year-old’s bloodied body, later telling his dad André Hanscombe how he saw a “bad man” with a knife approach them from behind, according to Netflix’s new documentary The Murder of Rachel Nickell.

It took over a decade for police to solve the case, with serial rapist Robert Napper pleading guilty to manslaughter in 2008. 

Now 36, Alex is speaking out about how the tragedy affected him for the rest of his life.

“If you witnessed that degree of evil as a small child, the illusion that you have now that your parents—no matter how good a job they do—can really protect you from harm,” he said in the documentary, “I think that collapses.”

“My father knew that I understood what had happened, that my mother loved me, and that she wouldn’t have wanted to leave me,” Alex shared. “So, my father and me, we didn’t talk about my mother. We didn’t talk about the past, but still I felt an anger that this had happened, that no matter what I did, I couldn’t stop it from happening.”