Charismatic people always do better professionally than those who are not charismatic. Often the difference between being seen as charismatic and not is likeability. We tend to get so excited, I know I tend to get so excited, I unintentionally negate what other people say, and the result winds up being I turn them off. Not seriously, most of the time, but sometimes enough that it has an adverse impact on the relationship I have with another person.

How do you do things differently so that you don’t turn people off? I learned a trick a while ago, it’s the concept of “yes, and.” And the idea very simply is whenever you add on to something that someone else says, you start by saying “yes,” because it’s the idea of saying something positive to start the conversation that makes your mind start to again speak in positive terms as opposed to critical terms. Yes, and so you’re agreeing with the other person and then going from there.

And if you don’t want to agree, you have two choices: keep your mouth shut or asking a question. And the question might be, “I’m curious, have you considered such-and-such?” rather than telling someone that they’re wrong and crushing them at that moment, because that’s how they feel, is crushed. Isn’t that how you would feel if someone basically said, “You’re wrong, this is why”? Instead: “Have you considered such-and-such? Because that’s what first came to my mind. And if you have considered, explain to me why that didn’t work.” And say it in a way that doesn’t seem confrontational.

“Yes, and” is a positive continuation of what someone else says. It piles on positivity, it does not negate what was previously said, it enhances it. And if they’re wrong, instead of crushing them by saying, “I don’t think so,” it’s “Have you considered such-and-such?”

These are things I know I need to work on, and I suspect many of you do, right? Hope you found this helpful. I’m Jeff Altman. If you keep doing things like what I’m doing in this series, you will be seen in a better light, you’ll attract more people to you instead of turning them off, and that will enhance you in your career, in your job search, in your management, and in your leadership.

Have a terrific day, and most importantly, be great.