And as for how she felt about herself, the Gone Girl actress became what she learned was “crucial to avoid” growing up: a single mom.

“The term itself could be lodged as an insult,” she wrote. “Having a child with the wrong man was the fastest way to ruin your life as a woman—it meant having no freedom, no choices, no emergency exit. All baggage and no security.”

To combat the tendency for people to “feel sorry for her,” Ratajkowski decided to make a lifestyle change only a “week” after her split, creating a new persona as she threw herself into dating “mania.”

As she put it, “I decided to f–k my way into a new kind of woman. I wanted to destroy the Madonna, the special girl I’d worked so hard to be before an eight-pound baby had torn my vagina in two, and replace her with the whore.”

And the I Feel Pretty star—who was linked to Pete Davidson, Eric Andre, Harry Styles and more following her breakup with Bear-McClard—emphasized just how much of a difference her new approach to her love life was compared to before her marriage.

“Before my separation, I’d never had a one-night stand. I’d never slept with someone the same day I met them,” she explained. “In fact, I’d only slept with eight people: four of whom had been live-in boyfriends, and one of whom was my male best friend in high school.”