EP 213 There is a cyclical model to life, composed of four phases: clarity, intensity, consistency, and loss.
Welcome to the Deep Dive. We’re all about taking those really interesting things you send us and well, diving deep, pulling out all the juicy bits, you know, the stuff that really matters, especially for you. Exactly, and today we’re tackling something I think a lot of people struggle with, that feeling of being lost, unsure about the future, like what’s next? Yeah, that kind of uncertainty can be, well, unsettling to say the least.
So we’re gonna try and make sense of it. You sent over two transcripts that we’re gonna deep dive into. The first one, a video from Dan Coe.
He talks about these four phases of life, almost like a roadmap, and some principles to help you navigate them. And the second, a conversation between Shannon Jenkins and Philip McCarron on her podcast, really digging into finding clarity when you’re going through those big life changes. I mean, we’ve all been there.
Totally, and what’s so cool is, even though they come at it from different angles, both are trying to answer the same question. Yeah. How do we deal with those times when we don’t have all the answers, when the path forward isn’t crystal clear? Right, and most importantly, how do we start moving forward again with purpose? So let’s jump right in.
Dan Coe, with these four phases of life, what’s the first one? He starts with clarity. That’s like the dream, right? When everything clicks, you’ve got this clear sense of purpose, a vision you’re working towards, and the skills to actually make it happen. You’re up for the challenge.
It sounds amazing. But like you said, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. Life has a way of, you know, throwing curve balls.
Totally, and that leads to the next phase, intensity. Pure progress mode. You’re in the flow.
Everything’s working. You’re building a strong foundation, not just in your work, but in your relationships, your mindset, everything. Yeah, it’s like you’re firing out all cylinders, but then things start to shift again.
You enter the consistency phase. This is where it gets tricky, keeping up that momentum. The pressure’s on.
You need systems. You have to prioritize, and it can feel like you’re slowing down. Because you’re not seeing those massive leaps forward anymore.
It’s more about maintaining. And then, well, this is the phase I think you might be relating to right now, lost. Ah, yes, lost.
Co says this often comes after achieving a big goal. You hit that milestone, and then what? Yeah, you’re looking around like, now what? It can be a very internal, almost spiritual phase, right? A lot of self-doubt creeping in. It can be really disorienting.
Co actually uses a great example from his own life, finishing his book, The Art of Focus. He poured three years of intense work into it. Wow, three years, that’s dedication.
And then, bam, it was done. He felt like he was falling off a cliff, no clear purpose, no next big thing. That feeling of emptiness, I can only imagine.
But Co doesn’t just leave us hanging in that lost phase. He actually breaks down some key principles that help him make sense of these shifts. Right, and the first one is pretty interesting.
Novel emergence. Basically, the idea that new and unexpected things often come after periods of, well, difficulty. Okay, novel emergence.
I like the sound of that. Give me an example. So he talks about atomic nuclei forming after stars explode, or big medical advancements happening after wars.
It’s like, from destruction comes creation. Hmm, so in our own lives, maybe that means struggling with something can actually lead to new insights, new directions. Exactly, that internal tension, that conflict, could be a sign that you’re on the verge of a breakthrough.
So even if you’re feeling lost right now, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. It could be the breeding ground for something amazing. It’s like that saying, the darkest hour is just before the dawn.
And what’s the next principle? It’s impermanence and entropy. Big words, but the idea is pretty simple. Nothing lasts forever.
I mean, that’s true of, well, pretty much everything, right? Exactly, not just physical things, but also those phases of life we were talking about. The intense progress, the consistency, and yes, even the feeling of being lost, they’re all temporary. Okay, that’s a good reminder.
This too shall pass, even when it feels like it won’t. Right, and that leads us to the next idea. Life unfolds in chapters and phases.
Oh, I like this one. It’s so relatable. He uses all kinds of analogies, like books, songs, stories.
Even bodybuilding cycles, you know, bulking up, cutting down, maintaining. The point is, life isn’t linear. It’s full of ups and downs, transitions, new beginnings.
So instead of getting stuck in that feeling of being lost, maybe it’s about trying to see which chapter you’re currently in and realizing it’s just part of a larger story. Yeah, like zooming out to get a wider perspective. Because when you’re focused on that one negative feeling, you can miss the bigger picture.
Okay, that makes sense. So what’s the next principle on Co’s list? It’s acclimation to new environments. Think about moving to a new city.
At first, it’s all unfamiliar and stressful, but over time, you get used to it. You find your groove. Right, you adapt.
And then new possibilities start to open up. And Co connects this to any new chapter in life, including that feeling of being lost. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable at first.
It’s just part of the adjustment process. So give yourself some grace, some time to adjust. Don’t expect to have all the answers right away.
Exactly. And the last principle, wisdom in feeling lost. This one’s huge.
Co argues that being lost isn’t just something to endure, but it’s actually a chance to find a new, maybe even better path. Okay, so it’s not just a dead end, but a potential turning point. Exactly.
The danger is getting so caught up in the negative thoughts and emotions that you don’t actually create that new direction. And he also warns about chasing goals that other people set for you, societal expectations, or what you think you should be doing. Because those might not actually be aligned with what you truly want deep down.
So now the big question, how do we actually move through this lost phase? Right, we’ve got the theory, but what about the practical steps? Well, Co has a few suggestions. First, remember what we were talking about before. Zoom out, see the bigger picture.
This feeling of being lost, it’s not unique to you. It’s a human experience. Yeah, sometimes just knowing you’re not alone in something can make a world of difference.
Totally. He also talks about embracing that feeling of being lost. Don’t resist it.
Try to flow with it and make a conscious effort to expose yourself to new things, new experiences, new information, new people. Almost like planting seeds, even if you don’t know what will grow from them. Yeah, and there’s this idea of healthy paranoia, that instinct to keep moving so you don’t stagnate as a motivator to keep seeking those new goals.
Okay, I can see how that might work. But he stresses the importance of staying aware of your thoughts and reactions. Be on the lookout for those new opportunities, what he calls ladder rungs, and be ready to seize them.
So it’s about being proactive, not passive, actively searching for those possibilities. And he’s a big believer in setting your own goals, not just following someone else’s script, really. He talks about having a soft idea of where you wanna go and then taking action, even if it’s just a small step, learning and figuring things out along the way.
Yeah, that makes way more sense than waiting until you have every single detail figured out. So action before perfection. Exactly, start building, then learn.
And as you gain momentum, you’ll naturally move into that intensity phase we were talking about before. The clarity comes back and you’re fully immersed in your progress. Ah, so it’s all connected.
And eventually that intensity levels out, leading to the consistency phase. But then if we’re not careful, we could slip back into feeling lost again. Right, it’s like that bodybuilding analogy again.
Cut for definition, bulk for growth, maintain for consistency. And remember, nothing is permanent. Embrace the cycles.
It’s a constant ebb and flow. Well, this has been incredibly insightful, but we’ve got another perspective to explore. The conversation between Shannon Jenkins and Philip McCarran.
They seem to come at this whole idea of finding clarity from a slightly different angle, right? More internal, more about environment. You got it. And they start with a great quote from Oprah.
Her success came from knowing what I want. But McCarran adds this twist. Often we do know what we want deep down.
It’s just that we’re afraid to admit it to ourselves and to others, because what if it doesn’t work out? What if it changes everything? Yeah, all those fears and doubts can hold us back. So McCarran says, what we really need is courage, not necessarily more information. The courage to stop, to question whether what we’re doing is truly serving us.
It’s about asking those tough questions and not just the surface level stuff, really digging deep. He also talks about the importance of where you ask these questions and who you’re talking to. Different environments can spark different insights.
Yeah, like sometimes a change of scenery can do wonders for your perspective. And having someone who can give you honest feedback, who’s not afraid to challenge you, can be so valuable. Way more helpful than someone who just tells you what you want to hear.
Right. And McCarran really walks the walk. He started over multiple times in his life, different careers, even moving countries.
He realized he’d been climbing the wrong ladders, chasing external markers of success that left him feeling empty. It’s so easy to fall into that trap, trying to live up to other people’s expectations instead of listening to your own inner compass. It takes real guts to break free from that.
And McCarran had these amazing moments of realization along the way, often triggered by seemingly insignificant encounters, like a comment from a stranger at a wedding. Really? That’s fascinating, what happened? Well, he’s giving a best man speech and this random person came up to him afterward and said, you’ve got a gift. Simple as that.
But it planted this seed of belief in him. He realized, hey, maybe there’s more to me than I thought. That’s so powerful.
Sometimes those outside perspectives can really open our eyes to things we can’t see ourselves. And McCarran also realized that sometimes you need to literally step outside your comfort zone, physically change your environment to really gain that clarity. It’s like hitting the reset button.
And like Ko, he’s a big believer in action. He says clarity often comes from taking action. He called it experimental action.
Treat your steps as experiments. If they work, great. If not, you learned something valuable.
I love that idea. It takes so much pressure off. Right, it’s not about making the right decision every time, but just starting somewhere.
He uses this funny example. If you’re unhappy where you are, the first step is simply anywhere but here. Then you can explore different options without feeling like you’re making this huge life-altering commitment.
That’s a great analogy. And he also stresses the importance of playfulness, right? Not taking ourselves too seriously. Especially when it comes to making big decisions.
Fear can really paralyze us. And then he brings up this interesting concept, the selfishness of pursuing what lights you up. Selfishness, that sounds, well, a bit counterintuitive.
I know, right? But his point is that when you’re genuinely engaged and excited about what you’re doing, that positive energy spills over into every area of your life. So it’s not actually selfish in the negative sense. It’s more about being true to yourself.
And in doing so, you become a better version of yourself for everyone else. Precisely. And he encourages trying things you’re not good at just for the experience of it, pushing those boundaries.
Yeah, like what’s the worst that can happen? You learn something new and maybe have some fun along the way. And then they ask this really thought-provoking question. Where does that little girl boy go? That carefree, curious part of ourselves we all had as kids.
Powerful, right. He encourages journaling about this, really tapping into those forgotten parts of ourselves. He even shares his own story of reconnecting with his inner child and how emotional it was.
It’s like bringing those past versions of ourselves into the present to become more whole. That’s beautiful. Okay, so we’ve talked about playfulness, passion, but what about responsibility? How does all this fit in with the very real responsibilities we have as adults? Well, McCarran challenges the traditional view of responsibility.
He says our primary responsibility is actually to ourselves, to nurture our wellbeing, to uncover our potential. Hmm, that’s an interesting take because when we’re taking care of ourselves, we’re in a much better position to show up for others, right? Exactly. And he warns against using responsibility as an excuse to avoid taking chances or pursuing our dreams.
He even suggests this exercise called isolated dreaming. Imagine what’s possible for your life without any limitations. Then bring those practical considerations back in.
That’s a great way to get past those initial mental blocks. And they also address the fear of failure, which can be so paralyzing. McCarran’s not a fan of having a plan B. He thinks it actually weakens your commitment to plan A. He talks about the Vikings burning their boats when they landed on enemy shores, so there was no turning back.
Wow, that’s a pretty extreme example. It is, but it highlights the power of fully committing to your chosen path. And he makes this really insightful distinction between gifts and talents.
Yeah, using his wife as an example. She was a successful accountant, but it wasn’t fulfilling her. Accounting was a talent, a learned skill, but her true gift was something much deeper, rooted in her desire to help others.
So finding true fulfillment is about tapping into those innate gifts, not just relying on what we’re good at on the surface. Absolutely. And McCarran shares some of the best and worst advice he’s received over the years.
Always a good learning opportunity. One of the best. You’ve got a gift.
That simple phrase from a stranger sparked a belief in himself that he didn’t even know he had. Wow, that’s incredible. The impact a few words can have.
And one of the worst. A happy wife is a happy life. He found that to be very limiting, potentially leading to neglecting your own needs and growth.
Makes sense. And finally, they leave listeners with a really powerful message. To stop making feeling lost all about you.
Instead of focusing on the fear and uncertainty, ask yourself, how can I use this experience to help others? Shifting from that inward focus to an outward one. McCarran believes this is the ultimate source of courage and the key to finding true meaning and purpose. This has been such a rich and insightful deep dive.
Dan Coe’s framework of life phases and Philip McCarran’s personal journey both offer incredible wisdom for navigating those inevitable times when we feel lost and uncertain. They remind us that these feelings are not only normal, but they can actually be catalysts for growth and change. It’s about having the courage to look inward, to experiment, to take action, and maybe even embrace a little healthy paranoia along the way.
And most importantly, to remember that our journey isn’t just about us. It’s about how we can use our unique gifts and experiences to contribute to something larger than ourselves. So as McCarran asked, where did that little girl or boy go? What were you passionate about? What lit you up? Tap into that.
Take a small step, even if it feels a little scary. Maybe that feeling of being lost isn’t a void at all, but an open space waiting for your unique contributions to the world. Thanks for diving deep with us.
Absolutely, it’s been a pleasure. And remember, keep sending us those interesting things. We’ll be here, ready to dive in.
Until next time. See you then.
