By Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter
EP 3097 It is painful to see people acting desperate during their job search.
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All right, let’s get right into it. We’ve all been there, right? You send out the resume, you absolutely crush the interview, and then nothing, just waiting. And that waiting period can be brutal.
Every minute feels like an hour. The urge to follow up, to just check in one more time, is so strong. But what if I told you that could actually be hurting your chances? Today, we’re gonna break down a totally different way to think about the job search follow-up.
I know, it sounds a little weird, but hear me out. Have you ever thought about it this way? The whole dynamic of waiting for a job offer, it has a lot in common with a courtship. You know, there are these unwritten rules, certain expectations, and this really delicate dance you have to do.
So, check this out. A recruiting veteran, someone with over 40 years in the game, shared this pretty surprising insight. He said that, just like in dating, being a little bit hard to get can actually make a candidate seem more appealing.
Now, that kinda goes against everything we think we know, right? So let’s really dig into what that actually means. Okay, so let’s explore this courtship ritual. The goal here isn’t to be cold or to act like you don’t care, not at all.
It’s about finding that sweet spot where you’re showing you’re enthusiastic and interested, but without coming across as way too aggressive or, even worse, desperate. And this, right here, is where it can all go wrong. When you push too hard, too fast, it can create this really negative vibe.
The source material uses some pretty strong words. Comparing an overly aggressive job seeker to a creep or a stalker. Look, nobody wants to be seen that way, but it just shows how easily our good intentions can get completely misinterpreted.
And that brings us right to our next point, the desperation turnoff. Here, we’re gonna look at the real-world consequences of being too eager and see why your follow-up strategy might actually be blowing up in your face. This really gets to the heart of the problem, doesn’t it? It’s this huge disconnect.
In your head, you’re thinking, hey, I’m being proactive. I’m showing them I really want this. But from their side of the desk, that exact same behavior can just look desperate and, frankly, annoying.
It’s a classic case of your intent versus their perception. Yeah, I mean, when you follow up again and again and again, it stops feeling like professional interest. It starts to feel like you’re begging.
And that right there is a massive turnoff for any employer. They wanna hire a confident pro, not someone who seems like they’re pleading for a shot. And here’s the real kicker, the reason this whole approach just doesn’t work.
A lot of the time, the hiring team simply isn’t ready to make a decision. They’ve got their own process, their own internal timelines. Your constant check-ins don’t magically speed things up.
All they do is add pressure. And what’s the natural human reaction to that? They get uncomfortable, and they start to pull back to push you away. And if you think this is all just a bit of an exaggeration, get this, the source mentions that some candidates will call their recruiter up to three times in a single day, three.
I mean, wow, that’s a perfect example of how this can go way, way over the top. And here’s how a recruiter thinks about that. They just start ignoring those calls.
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Why? Well, for one, they’re not gonna reward what they see as bad behavior. But more importantly, think about it. Every single minute they spend on the phone with you is a minute they are not spending doing the very thing you want them to do, finding you a job.
It literally works against you. Okay, okay, so we’ve talked a lot about what not to do. Let’s flip this around and talk about the solution.
This section is all about a smarter, way more effective strategy that respects the employer’s timeline and keeps you looking professional and confident. And you know what? The best strategy is actually really, really simple. It’s all about just changing your mindset.
First things first, just slow down, take a breath. The whole key is to get off your timeline and onto theirs, work at their pace. And that means you swap out all those constant calls for just an occasional simple note.
That’s it, it’s really that straightforward. So what does a good note even look like? Well, the source provides a perfect example. See how simple that is? Hi, hadn’t heard from you.
Has there been any movement on this role? It’s polite, it’s to the point, and there’s zero pressure. It just says, hey, I’m still interested without demanding anything. This is what professional persistence looks like.
So here’s a little mental checklist for you. Before you hit send on that next follow-up, just run through this real quick in your head. Is it occasional? Is it simple? Am I respecting their timeline? And the big one, am I avoiding putting pressure on them? If you can say yes to all of these, you’re golden.
This brings us to our final and honestly most important section, because everything we’ve talked about, all these strategies, all this advice, it all boils down to one single super powerful principle, a simple empathy test. So before you do anything else, before you pick up that phone or you start typing that email, the advice is to just pause just for a second. And in that pause, do this one simple thing.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. I mean, really imagine it. You’re the recruiter with dozens of candidates, a packed schedule, and your own deadlines.
How would your follow-up feel to them? Ultimately, it all just comes down to this one question. Considering everything from their perspective, is this the way you would want to be treated? The answer to that question will guide you to the right decision every single time.
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ABOUT JEFF ALTMAN, THE BIG GAME HUNTER
People hire Jeff Altman, The Big Game Hunter to provide No BS Career Advice globally because he makes many things in peoples’ careers easier. Those things can involve job search, hiring more effectively, managing and leading better, career transition, as well as advice about resolving workplace issues.
He is the producer and former host of “No BS Job Search Advice Radio,” the #1 podcast in iTunes for job search with over 3000 episodes. 
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