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His personal journey of faith and sexuality almost claimed his life.

At 17, David Archuleta catapulted to fame on American Idol.

He became something of a poster-boy for the Mormon church — until he came out as queer in 2021.

Now, the ex-Mormon singer is delving into the internalized bigotry that drove him to contemplate suicide when he was still trying to live a lie.

‘Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself’

Archuleta’s memoir, Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself, is out February 17.

“I always believed something was wrong with me,” he recalled to People, speaking of growing up believing that his attraction to men was a “sin.”

Archuleta affirmed: “Then I realized I don’t have to let other people accept me; I can do that myself. I can accept myself.”

He expressed: “I’m just grateful to be alive and to see what I can do with my life while I’m here. It really feels like starting again.”

Now 35, his journey to coming out was not an easy or linear one. And he nearly didn’t live this long.

Growing up as a Mormon in Salt Lake City, Archuleta believed that his attraction to both boys and girls was immoral because of the LDS church’s homophobia.

“I was taught a lot of things that are wrong and to feel ashamed,” he shared. “And I thought feeling ashamed was a godly thing.”

Archuleta admitted: “In the back of my head I never believed that I would ever be worthy. I believed nothing would ever make me good enough unless I could change who I was.”

Additionally, he says that he continued to live at home as a teen even after his success in music. He describes his father as controlling and both verbally and emotionally abusive.

For whatever it’s worth, his father also spoke to People, and believes that his behavior was not abusive. It would be pretty unusual to hear otherwise.

Even now, he and his father don’t agree on how things were years ago

According to Archuleta, his father — a former musician himself — wanted to have a career vicariously through him as a “puppet.” This is not uncommon among people who become famous as children.

By 20, he walked away from music to double down upon his religious practice as a Mormon. He even went on a missionary trip to Chile, where an Elder in his church helped him to identify his father’s behavior as abusive.

“I had to learn that just because you love someone doesn’t mean you let them treat you in a hurtful way and in a way that belittles you and makes you feel like you’re little or nothing,” Archuleta shared.

“And it took someone else telling me that,” he acknowledged.

Archuleta recalled: “My mission leader was like, ‘He may be your dad, but he’s not treating you like a son.’”

Even after setting boundaries with his father, which included years spent apart, Archuleta attempted to live a life as a straight man.

This included three engagements to three different women over the years. It also included praying that he would change and simply wake up heterosexual.

“I was almost willing to give my life up because I was so devoted to what I believed,” Archuleta shared of having made plans to die by suicide.

Instead, he came out in 2021. Like many (perhaps even most) of the LGBTQ+ community, he has used multiple labels to describe himself, but especially queer — a unifying umbrella term for the community as a whole but also for individuals.

Archuleta would later leave the Mormon church. His mother and other family members also left in solidarity, not wanting to belong to an organization that would condemn their loved one.

We’re so glad that he’s still with us and doing so much better

These days, Archuleta is again on speaking terms with his father.

He has been dating men, though he is currently single. And he is open to being with women — as his authentic self, not masquerading as a straight man.

Archuleta says that he is still “unraveling” his personal beliefs and “figuring out” waht sexuality means for him.

“I’m so excited to live life now. Even when it gets hard, I feel like I deserve to live,” he affirmed.

Archuleta added: “Maybe someone else needs to hear that. I feel like I am on a mission again.”