“The truth is, I needed her far more than she ever needed me,” Hannah Whitson tells PEOPLE of her adopted sister. “Everyone deserves love”

NEED TO KNOW

• Hannah Whitson was 24 years old when her parents, then 52 and 54, made what she describes as a “life-altering” decision to adopt a newborn in 2021
• As the oldest of five children in their blended family, Whitson tells PEOPLE she was “shocked” and “upset,” fearing the dynamic she had worked so hard to find comfort in was shifting once again
• In a viral video that has since amassed over 4 million views, she shares how her perspective has changed about her now 4-year-old sister

Hannah Whitson had spent years learning how to navigate change. As the oldest of five in a blended family that had been together for 17 years, she had already weathered her parents’ divorce, embraced new siblings and helped build a family dynamic she deeply cherished.

By 24, Whitson believed she had finally reached a new chapter — one where her parents, now empty nesters, would have time to reconnect with her as an adult. But just as that long-anticipated season began, everything shifted again when a phone call from her parents revealed they were adopting a newborn.

“The moment I received the phone call, I was in complete shock. Almost immediately, I felt upset and disappointed,” Whitson tells PEOPLE exclusively. “What surprised me most was that the strongest emotion was not even centered on myself in a selfish way. It was a deep sense of longing for a life I thought I was finally stepping into, one where my parents had time again, time for me, and eventually for the family I hoped to build.”

Whitson’s parents, then 52 and 54, had just dropped off their youngest son at college and were officially empty nesters “for about an hour” before they were contacted by child services.

A relative, who was struggling with drug addiction at the time, had secretly given birth to a baby girl, Laken. Unfortunately, Laken was born with seven different drugs in her system and spent her first month in the neonatal intensive care unit withdrawing.

Laken’s biological mother, who is now incarcerated, fled the hospital immediately after giving birth but left behind a note asking child services to call Whitson’s mom. The newborn's biological father also struggled with addiction and died of an overdose within six months of her birth.

Faced with an impossible situation, Whitson’s parents fully leaned into their values. “To whom much is given, much is expected,” they told their children, a belief that had continuously guided their lives. By the next morning, after “a lot of emotion and conversation,” they said yes — fully aware that the decision meant forever.

For Whitson, however, the decision was far more complicated to process. “I realized I was grieving something that had not even fully happened yet,” she explains. “I felt an unexpected sense of loss over a future I had imagined so clearly.”

That grief also came with guilt. “I did not like that those were my first feelings,” she admits, but at the same time, she felt torn by empathy. “I also felt sadness for this little girl, someone I did not know yet and was not sure I could love the way she deserved.”

“I also mourned the family dynamic we had always shared,” Whitson adds. “My family is extremely close, and everything felt perfectly balanced. I was afraid of losing that balance and changing something that had always felt safe and whole.”

As the oldest of five, Whitson had long carried a role that went beyond just being a sibling. She describes herself as the one who “never misses a ballgame, a prom or a recital.” The one who schedules appointments, helps with applications and keeps everyone connected.

“I often carry a weight that was never explicitly asked of me, but always felt expected,” she says. That identity made the adoption feel even heavier.

“This role went beyond the caregiver identity I was already used to,” Whitson reveals. “It meant accepting that this child could one day become my responsibility in the fullest sense. It felt like a shift from being a sister to potentially being a parent.”

The realization was “life-altering,” especially as other uncertainties, like her stepfather’s declining health, added to the sense that those responsibilities could arrive sooner than expected.

What Whitson needed most during that time, she now realizes, was space to feel without judgment.

“My younger self needed reassurance that it was okay to feel everything as deeply as I did,” she shares. Instead, she often felt misunderstood. “More than anything, I needed someone to say, ‘I hear you, I see you, and you are loved.’ ”

Despite all the emotions “swirling” through her head, Whitson chose honesty. Being an “outward processor,” she worked through the conflict by talking it through with her family, rather than letting guilt take root internally, and eventually, a turning point arrived.

“Late one night, my mom was completely exhausted and asked me to watch Laken,” she says, remembering the first weekend her parents brought the newborn home. What followed were four uninterrupted hours of holding Laken in her arms.

“I talked to her the entire time, saying all of my thoughts and feelings out loud, as if she could understand every word,” Whitson recalls. In that stillness, something shifted.

“I kept thinking about how there was no version of the world where this little girl did not deserve all the love and life I had been given and so much more,” she shares. “Outside of our family, [Laken] did not have anyone who cared about her or what might happen to her. We were it. Who was I to deny this perfect human a life filled with love and happiness?”

By the end of that night, Whitson’s perspective had changed. “I knew she was my sister. I knew I would do everything in my power to give her a life even better than my own,” she says. “She was meant to be my sister.”

@hancwhit

She lights up my whole world 🥲 #fyp #adoption #agegapsiblings

♬ What Was I Made For? (Epilogue) [Instrumental Version] – Mark Ronson & Andrew Wyatt

That shift, however, didn’t erase Whitson’s earlier emotions; it simply reframed them. “I am a strong woman who can admit when I was acting from a selfish place,” she emphasizes. “But I will not apologize for feeling deeply during such a pivotal time in my life.”

Instead, Whitson has learned to hold both truths at once, and today, her bond with Laken, now 4, is something she describes as “one that transcends generational trauma and one that will always feel like home.”

Their relationship has been built on small, ordinary moments, such as picking her up from daycare, sharing nightly routines and simply being together.

“The best part is getting to sleep beside her,” Whitson says. “I often give myself extra time just to lie there and hold her, thinking about what her life could have been like and what mine would be without this love.”

Looking back, Whitson sees the experience as transformative. “Conditional love will always lead to a conditional life,” the now 28-year-old reflects. “When you allow yourself to fully love others without limits or conditions, you create a life that feels free and expansive.”

More than anything, she’s come to believe that love is a choice; one that expands who you are.

"Allowing yourself to change and grow is a privilege in life, one that many of us take for granted. Opening your home and your heart requires courage, and loving another person often means growing alongside them,” Whitson tells PEOPLE. “Life will always place unexpected things in our path, but how we adapt and reflect in those moments is what reveals our character. If you continue building your character, love and joy will follow.”

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