Dear Vanessa, 

I recently found out something that has completely shaken me. My parents have made the decision to leave most of their estate to my younger sibling. 

When I asked them about it, they said it was because my sibling ‘needs it more.’ For context, I’ve worked hard my entire life. I built a stable career, bought my own home, and have always tried to be financially responsible.

My sibling, on the other hand, has struggled with money for years – poor decisions, unstable work, and relying on my parents more than I ever have.

I understand that as parents, they want to help. But I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being penalised for doing the right thing. What hurts even more is that this wasn’t openly discussed with me. 

I found out indirectly, which made it feel even more unfair and secretive. Now I feel resentful – not just about the money, but about what it says. That my efforts don’t matter. That being responsible somehow means you get less. I don’t want to fall out with my family, but I also don’t know how to move past this. 

Every time I see my sibling, I feel a mix of anger and injustice. Am I wrong to feel this way? And how do I handle this without damaging the relationships that still matter to me?

Feeling Overlooked

Financial advisor Vanessa Stoykov gives advice to someone whose sibling is getting their share of inheritance 

Dear Feeling Overlooked, 

This is one of those situations where money is only part of the story -what’s really at play here is recognition, fairness, and how we measure value within a family. What you’re feeling is completely understandable. When parents make unequal decisions about their estate, it can feel deeply personal, even if their intention is practical rather than emotional. 

Many parents justify these choices using a ‘needs-based’ approach. In their minds, they’re trying to balance the scales – supporting the child they believe is more vulnerable or less financially secure. 

But what they often don’t realise is that this can unintentionally send a message that the more responsible child is less deserving. That’s where the hurt comes from. The first step is to separate intention from impact. Your parents likely see this as helping one child, not disadvantaging another. But the impact on you is very real, and it deserves to be acknowledged.

If you feel able, I encourage a calm, direct conversation with them. Not about the money itself, but about how the decision has made you feel. This isn’t about demanding equality – it’s about understanding their thinking and allowing them to understand your perspective. 

You might say something like: ‘I respect that it’s your decision, but I want you to know how it’s landed with me.’ That opens the door without escalating the situation. From a practical perspective, it’s also important to get clarity. Are there other factors at play – such as loans already given, or informal support over the years? 

Sometimes what feels unequal on paper has been balanced in other ways over time. This is also a moment to take control of what you can influence – your own financial future. While this may not feel fair, your long-term security isn’t dependent on their decision, and that’s a powerful position to be in. If the situation feels complex or emotionally charged, I strongly recommend seeking financial advice to understand where you stand and how to plan from here.

 You can find a trusted adviser here. 

Keep a cool head, give yourself space to process it, and focus on what you can build from here – not what you may or may not receive.

All the best, 

Vanessa

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